Between you and me

At times like these I often think of the these words. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”. They are easy to say but often difficult to practice. My girlfriend and I recently decided to end our relationship. Strike that. We have decided to change the status of our relationship. I do not like to think of something as just simply ending, since nothing really ends. She’s an absolutely amazing person with talent pouring out of her ears. She’s someone whom I respect and greatly admire and so with that said I would never want to lose that connection or closeness with someone of that caliber. The list of people who have had a profound impact on my life is short, and she is on it.  I won’t try to pretend that the status change isn’t difficult.  And what makes this particularly difficult is that it is not like other “break ups” where things have gone south, or the person has changed and it’s no longer what you want. She is in-fact what I want and it’s really more circumstances and outside complications that are between her and I. Not a lack of passion or love. I won’t even begin to go delve into those “circumstances and complications”.

But yet it is in her best interest for us to part. Perhaps it is in mine as well but I honestly do not think it so right now, even in the long term. But I can’t be selfish, and continuing to fight for this I feel will only cause more harm then good. Maybe it already has.  In actuality we had an initial breakup several months ago but came back together. We both tried to overcome our circumstances but in the end she felt the fight was just too exhausting, and that’s ok. I have the hopeless romantic point of view (as I kind of am a bit of one) that a love is worth fighting for and sometimes you really do have to fight and wait for that love. I reference “Atonement” minus the whole dieing of disease and drowning thing. However as much as I want it to be sometimes, life is not a movie.

It’s very strange, because though I am sad, at the same time I can’t help but be happy because I think this is what she needs. I think she is looking for a reboot and a fresh start in many regards and I don’t think she could do that with me. So with that said I can’t help but be happy at the thought that she might be getting to where she wants to be, and thus better off overall and that makes me happy.

But you know, I’m just not good at being sad. I have so much to be happy about and I generally try to see the good in everything and overall I’m a happy person. I also think I’m a little naive, though that is by choice.

So now I guess we both wait for time to pass. As for me I’m going to take a very long break. A relationship is work. It takes a great deal of effort and energy and it is worth it. But now that’s over, so I’m going to take those energies and focus them mainly on training for Running for Walking. I know that it will help me to work through this to focus on a project that is not about me and is indeed bigger than me. For those who are unaware of my grandiose adventure please check out the video below.

I launched this effort about two years ago and began training in earnest. I made a great deal of progress as far as fund raising, acquiring sponsors, and getting publicity. I also got into the best physical and mental shape of my life. Running has become my serenity. Whenever I’m dealing with difficult times, I run. I became addicted to it. Unfortunately, upon graduating last year, my training and efforts toward RFW tailed off dramatically. There was just so much going on in my life that it was really quite impossible to keep up, and it really hasn’t let up. It’s also very difficult to fit training into my career. Working in film and TV means you’re usually putting in 60-80 hours per week, depending on the project and the week. That leaves little time for running. Not to mention you’re on you’re feet for most of those hours. But my career isn’t going to change so I must find a way for the two to coexist.

So I will be doubling my efforts and also with Army Wives ending I might be on a little bit of a break before my next project, affording me more time.

So, that’s all I have. In writing this I’m really not looking for sympathy I guess it’s just therapeutic. I don’t yell, I don’t punch walls. I run.  I blog.

Comments are welcome. I have an open ear to everything. Thanks for reading.

~ by glennikin on July 15, 2009.

7 Responses to “Between you and me”

  1. Keep on keeping on, Glenn. I’ll be thinking about you.

  2. Fantastic! Really a beautiful essay and fascinating… please keep me up on your efforts to resume Running for Walking…


  3. i’m sorry that you’re sad.. if i was there we could go throw water balloons at guys who follow us to wendys. or do something else we used to do to cheer ourselves up after breakups… mini golf? lemonade and popcorn? blocking off streets with cones?

    anyway, i’m really glad you’re working on your project again. it’ll be great. let me know if there’s anything i can do!

  4. Good for you Glen! I wish you the best in everything you do. If you need anything let me know. I will buy the first brew!

  5. Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Glenn! Your recounting of the break-up was mature and respectful, though. It says a lot about your character; a lot of people would resort to calling names. Maybe she will come into your life again. If not, someone else will.

    Running for Walking looks awesome, and there’s nothing like a good project to take your mind off things! Can’t wait to see where it goes.

    Are you still planning on taking another road trip to Ohio this year? Would be great to see you again!

  6. Glenn, if I’ve learned anything in this lifetime it’s this: If you choose your relationships wisely, there’s no such thing as an “ex.” You’ll fall in love and out of love and you’ll fight and tussle and maybe the romance will just never work out, but the people who mean something to your life – those who *really* mean something – will always be a part of your life, your soul, and who you are. I know that that sounds like a really wordy version of “well, there are always more fish in the sea,” but it’s not. Some people just become part of you. Embrace it and love it, even if you don’t get to wake up next to someone.

    Keep on being the coolness that you are.

  7. Something tells me that in a year or two, you will come to the realization that you needed to be single again, to focus on RFW, but that’s coming from someone who tends to believe it’s hard to achieve personal growth while in a relationship.

    So stop reading this already and go run!

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